20 Thoughts I had Rewatching Every Single Bond Film

20 Thoughts I had Rewatching Every Single Bond Film

We really don’t have a lot to be proud about as British (let’s be honest our food sucks), and I always find it funny what people associate with Great Britain, England specifically. During some of my travels I’ve had a few hilarious things come up when I say I am from the UK like “oh Big Ben” and “fish and chips”, but one I’ve had often is “James Bond”. I was a fan of James Bond before I even knew it was quintessentially British to be a fan of James Bond. My Uncle had all of the VHS videos that, when put together, made a James Bond scene picture. One of the things I love about the Bond films is how they have changed with the times, but let me tell you, I’ve recently rewatched all of the old ones on Amazon Prime and guys, I have THOUGHTS.

He isn’t very nice to women

I like to think of myself as quite the feminist (however if a nice man offers me a seat on the tube yes, I will take that sir), and watching some of the old James Bond films, wow, he was NOT nice to women. From calling them stupid to pushing their faces away if he is on the phone and they are trying to talk to him, I think we can safely say James Bond in the early years definitely thinks men are better.

However, women save his life, a LOT

The thing I DON’T get about James Bond is that even though he can be quite horrid to women, a lot of the time, they actually save his life? Seriously, don’t bite the hand that feeds you. If Pussy Galore didn’t turn on Goldfinger you’d be exploded hun, have a bit of respect.

Sean Connery

Wow, Sean Connery is an incredibly attractive man. The thing with James Bond is that I can never work out if I am attracted to the actor or the character, but the more I watch Roger Moore the more I think definitely actor.

Some of the villains schemes are quite feasible are they not?

So I am no scientist, but are some of the bad guys plans not a little bit feasible? I mean, I am obviously not talking about the underwater world in The Spy Who Loved Me, but gassing everyone guarding Fort Knox and making the gold radioactive? Inspired.

Why is everyone English?

James Bond travels to every far-flung corner of this earth and manages to find English people? In every single hotel and bar he patronises? Seems like a scam to me. I just want to see James Bond struggle with a language barrier like the rest of us. He might be a spy, but I bet he forgets “thank you” in Greek just as many times as me.

Who feeds Bloefield’s cat?

Seriously though, he looks very well fed but you never see him bunging Sheeba in a cat bowl or giving him Dreamies. Do the henchmen do this? Is it part of the job description? I need answers.

Why does he use his real name so much?

Obviously, James Bond does have a fair few aliases he uses through the film series, but he still uses his real name a hell of a lot FOR A SPY. He’s meant to be undercover and he’s just kicking about giving his real birth name and surname?

Pierce Bronson is a terrible Bond

I’m sorry but he is awful. I tried Die Another Day and even my North Korea obsession could not keep me watching.

His Aston Martin would be super useful down the Asda car park

Oh using a mother and baby space with no baby are we? FLAMES.

How much does he get paid?

How much does a spy make? He sure seems to have a large expense account but how much actually goes into his pocket? Is he an employee or a contractor? How much tax does he pay? Personally I don’t cate who the new Bond is going to be, I just want to see a wage slip.

How much is his life insurance?

It’s got to be a lot because you get one headache once and Aviva add £10k to your premium.

He drinks on the job a lot

I mean, I don’t blame him, but he certainly drinks enough on the job on many occasions to be more than tipsy. I wonder what would happen if James Bond got drunk and passed out in a hedge? To be honest, I’d pay to see it.

Honor Blackman was the best Bond girl

Her name was “Pussy Galore”. I’ll be taking no further questions at this time.

Christopher Walken as Max Zorin is incredible casting

Probably my favourite Bond villain of all. He was just perfect. The weird relationship with Mayday, the laughing before he fell to his death, all of it was superb acting.

They used Roger Moore when he was too old

Getting with Bond girls that were like 20 when he was in his 60s just made Bond look like a bit of a creep.

How does their hair and make-up stay in place?

While we are on Bond girls, how on earth does their hair stay perfect as well as their make up through explosions, floods, etc? I get on the tube after spending 2 hours getting ready and at the other end I look like I have been dragged through a hedge forwards AND backwards.

The amount of talent in these films collectively is AMAZING

I don’t mean to fixate on View To A Kill but let’s be honest, Grace Jones, what a decent hire.

James Bond is FUNNY

Spoiler alert, but when he said “they do come with fur nowadays you know” about Q’s bald cat in No Time To Die I laughed for days. That was definitely a line written by Queen PWB.

Some of this actually happened in real life

The most exciting my life gets is going for a nice dinner at work, but did you know Iam Fleming, who wrote the Bond books, was actually a spy? Realistically, if he was a spy, and was writing about a spy, then we can assume some of what he has written is from experience, and even if it is only about 10% that it still pretty cool!

I’d love to be a spy

I wanted to be a spy SO BADLY when I was little, but when I got a bit older and found out you couldn’t tell people anything about your life I changed my goal to align with my oversharing personality.

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One response to “20 Thoughts I had Rewatching Every Single Bond Film”

  1. Hahaha, Bond meeting English people all over the world actually is a valid point. And that character is an alcoholic for sure. Would definitely love to see him blunder a shot or fail at picking up women (for once) because he turns into a raging asshole when drunk. Thanks for this awesome post!

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